Week #1: I'm not busy

Now, I’m writing this - or, I’m revisiting a piece I wrote a few months ago - after I was asked to consider my leadership identity. A heady question, and a critical one (I guess?). It'll definitely make you think. And it's sometimes easier to first think about a thing by its opposite.

So the first phrase that came to mind when asked about my leadership identity: welp, I’m not busy.

A potentially dumb thing to say in a season of OKRs and KPIs and smart goals. Noted, I’ll take that into consideration, thank you. But while I’m not busy, I am particular about words, their meaning, and the perception that they create.

To me, "busy" communicates "frenetic". Scattered. Reactive. Unavailable. Absence rather than presence. Busy is ensuring others know you have a back-to-back-to-back-to-back calendar (because perhaps it’s the first - and last - thing you say in every meeting?). Busy is gauging your worth or productivity or contribution by the amount of your time that is committed. The number of RSVPs that you’re able to decline because of the other RSVPs waiting in the wings.

Busy is especially dangerous when that’s how others start to describe you:

“She’s very busy.” A warning.

When "busy" becomes part of your leadership identity, it may also mean you're missing out on the most interesting conversations and opportunities. Others will decide for you, even before it gets to you. It's likely well-intended, as no one wants to burden, stress, or distract someone already known to have a full plate and limited bandwidth. No one wants to add to "busy".

When I'm described as busy - and it has happened - it’s time to recalibrate. I heard it a lot at the end of 2023, and while I don’t fully remember all of the circumstances, the perception I most certainly remember. I was drowning by 30-minute increments, late to most of them (probably all of them), and had gotten into this internal pattern where I was kind of proud to have this sort of stupidly Tetrised calendar so I just kept saying yes to things.

Ick.

I have a choice in how I show up and a choice in how I communicate. Most of us do have that choice. Language reflects culture and in this case, leadership identity. If the answer to “How was your day?” or “How are you?” is perennially “busy” - what brand or identity is that building...and is that intentional? For my pun-loving friends: it's business, not busyness.

Team members: if your bandwidth is stretched and burnout is looming, articulate that - describe it, provide examples, offer solutions. If your day is full and engaging, articulate that - describe it. Give your message the credence that it deserves. "Busy" is likely not it.

Leaders: you set the tone. If you lead with "busy", that identity cascades through your organization. An analogy (or metaphor?) I once heard: If the wheel at the top is spinning quickly…imagine how fast the wheels below are spinning, just trying to keep up.

So back to the original question about leadership identity.

Presence, curiosity, grace, and a sense of humor are all a part of my leadership identity. Busy is not. I listen to how others describe or refer to me (when I'm privy, of course). And when I start to hear “you’re very busy” - it's a warning. Because behind that phrase, I also assume I’m missing out on ideas, opportunities, or simply just the chance to connect.

So my leadership identity? I started here: I am not busy.

More musings to come as we continue to just be interested.

August 2019, Santa Rosa, CA. A photo that captures the real-life emoji face I imagine others think of when they describe me as “busy.” We were in the middle of a glorious friends’ weekend in wine country, with 8+ humans (and 3+ dogs) trying to contribute to dinner. The scene is frenetic, and I was being dramatic. And I’m also too vain to ever want this image to be any part of my identity. Yet another reason why: I’m not busy.